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"Anna and the Sea": From Canada, A Beautiful Book For Children Of Parents With A Mental Illness

Clicca qui per la traduzione in italiano.

"Children of parents suffering from a mental illness do often have one thing in common. They feel they are responsible for their parents' illness and they think they are able and even obliged to assist them. It is of capital importance to soften this sense of guilt and help them understand that it is not their responsibility to cure their parents. Also, it is crucial to support these children in building
a new way of thinking in which they are allowed to develop their own potential without believing they are abandoning or betraying their parents. It is also important to encourage these children to persist in activities that value them. This way they will develop a greater self esteem, that will act like an important protecting factor during the rest of their life".
Rebecca Heinisch*.

When I first saw the cover of "Anna and The Sea" by Rebecca Heinisch I couldn't help but immediately identify myself with the child sitting on the beach, lonely, while staring at the horizon. Some time has passed since, like her but much older, I too looked for comfort by the sea, silent companion and confidant during turbulent and fearful days. When nothing, apart from the dark water and saltiness of the sea, seemed to comfort me. I too, like little Anna from the book, have a mother suffering from a mental disorder. And I too, many times, have felt lonely, without the necessary supporting tools to understand what was happening to my family, my mother and me. I kept everything stuffed inside me and couldn't find any answer. In their place, I grew an armor that very soon, beside protecting me, ended up imprisoning a precious part of me, preventing it from giving itself to the world and expressing freely and without fears.

One of the reasons why during those years I didn't tell anyone about my mother was the fact that my father - properly and patronizingly, I'd say, considering the tools he possessed by that time - told me not to be open about her condition as he wanted to shield me from people's meanness. People could have ended up calling me the "mad woman's daughter" and exclude me or, worse, I could have become a victim of bullying. Right, there is also this other aspect to be considered, in the long path to a real change that could help our families not to be forced to live, besides the already painful experience of a mental disease, also the disadvantages of exclusion, loneliness and isolation. That is why it is so important to share the initiatives that, in every corner of the world, give us evidence that sowing seeds for change is possible, often finding strength precisely in those negative experiences of the past that, thanks to perseverance and resilience, may become precious teachings to be shared with others.

For this reason today I will gladly and gratefully introduce you the book "Anna and the Sea" and its author, herself the daughter of a mother suffering from a mental illness, who took the loneliness, the fears and the worries of a child and turned them into precious tools that, nowadays, are helping thousands of children in Canada and also in the rest of the world. The book is indeed available in two languages, English and French, and can be purchased online by sending an e-mail to annaetlamer@annaetlamer.com. Besides the book, Rebecca Heinisch also created a Workbook, with exercises and educational interactive activities for children aged between 7 and 12 years who have in their family someone who suffers from a mental disease. This latter tool is also highly recommended for all those who are willing to learn new methods to lessen the discomfort felt by those who are growing up with a parent who has a mental illness.

I must confess I felt an incredible emotion while holding the book in my hands and flipping through its pages. I read it in a sitting and tears started rolling down my face, at first slowly and silently, without me nearly being aware of that, then growing in intensity into an abundant, liberating crying. For the first time I had a tool that could have hugely eased my pain and loneliness and helped me get through them, had it been available when I was a teenager.

Through the adventures of little Anna and her friends, Gustav the crab and Treemander the sea turtle, we learn how to offer children and teens who have a parent suffering from a mental illness tools to promote their resilience - the ability to stand up stronger every time life knocks us down - and how to give them precious informations that could help them overcome sense of guilt, fear and anger. It is a book that, along with the workbook that is also available upon request, I would suggest to everyone who would like to help children and teens overcome the emotional trauma of growing up with a parent who suffers from a mental disease. I would thus recommend it, in addition to families, also to teachers, psychologists, psychoterapists, psychiatrists, educators, social workers, nurses, psychiatry and psychology students and to all the people who are working closely with families.

My greatest wish would be managing to create something similiar for Italy, in our language. One of the biggest efforts is to find sponsors believing in the importance of such a project and who would want to give their contribution for its fulfillment. We have a great need for all the possible support and aid. It is something regarding everyone because, like a famous african proverb cited by Sandra Van Gameren in her book says, "it takes a village to raise a child". As a society, wouldn't it be wonderful if each one of us could do something practical, in our own small way, to make these children and their families feel less alone? Meanwhile, we can start passing the word and make precious tools like this book known to as many people as possible and talk more and more about this topic without stigma and prejudice. Talking about it to break isolation and open ourselves up to acceptation. Together the load to carry will be less heavy!

I leave you with an interview with Rebecca Heinisch, in which we talk about her book, her non-profit association and the activities she has been conducting since several years to train, inform and create awareness around the importance of giving the necessary support to all children of people who are suffering from a mental illness, in order to make prevention and quickly address the needs of this particularly at risk group.


- Welcome Rebecca and thank you so much for accepting to be interviewed about your books and association. First of all, I would like to ask you, when did you first start to think about creating a tool to help children of parents with a mental illness? When did your personal experience as a daughter of a mentally ill mother turn into the desire of creating the change that was needed in your country, Canada?

Having worked many years with children at the elementary school level as a teacher, it became increasingly clear to me throughout these years (1996 and on..) that a great number of children were struggling academically and socially due to their difficult family situations, and that most often, these troubled families included a parent suffering from mental illness. The school staff, including the teachers, administrators and specialists seemed very poorly equipped to address these issues within these families. The children, who desperately needed support and information, remained invisible and often fell through the cracks over the years, becoming increasingly dysfunctional and displaying an array of emotional, academic and behavioural difficulties. It was a situation which troubled me deeply, and one which created a deep sense of frustration and powerlessness at our ability to meet the children’s needs.

The « game changing moment » in my life occurred in 2000 when one of my own children was diagnosed with mental illness. The profound grieving process which I had experienced as a child with a mentally ill mother began all over again. It was impossible for me at that point to ignore the crying needs of families touched by mental illness, and it was then that I decided to dedicate myself to helping those most vulnerable: the children of the mentally ill. These three compelling life experiences (as a child of a mentally ill mother, as a mother of a mentally ill child, and as a teacher of children faced with mental illness in their families) combined together and became a most powerful catalyst which thrust me in an entirely new direction in my life. From that point on, I was totally compelled to try and bring about change for children touched by mental illness of a loved one.

- Where did you first reach out for resources that could guide you through the process of carrying out a system change? What and who did most help you?

I began first of all by taking a sabbatical year from teaching in order to research the various programs, resources and associations existing elsewhere in the world and who were doing important work with children of the mentally ill. I had heard of Erica Pitman, an Australian, who had created the SMILES program and thus contacted her first. She was most generous in sharing her information and offered many insightful suggestions.

At the beginning of this journey, my main focus was children's literature. As a teacher, I had come to realize to what extent stories can influence children. They are a powerful medium for conveying important messages and life lessons, and my first creative endeavor thus involved the writing of a children's book. I mainly used the web as a first line research tool, and discovered many wonderful websites and resources existing in Australia as well as in England and the United States.

- Have you ever had the fear that your involvement in this field, your decision to disclose an important part of your story, could make your family of origin feel uncomfortable? If so, how did you manage to overcome this and carry on your dream?

Yes, at the beginning. The subject was rarely, if ever, discussed in my family, and I was worried about their reaction. What I struggled with most however, was how this would affect my mother. Though she had passed away 15 years before the book was published, I still felt a deep sense of loyalty to her and was concerned about portraying her in an adequate and just way. I did not want her legacy to only be about mental illness, as she was a loving, vibrant person, but one with a debilitating disease which had unfortunately wreaked havoc on our family. Not being able to discuss directly my concerns with my mother made it difficult for me to come to terms with the conflicting feelings I was experiencing. To this day, though I continue my work without reserve, I still feel some anxiety around this issue but live with the hope that she would be proud of my endeavors.

Thankfully, my father and sister were very supportive of my work and encouraged me to continue. I believe it has also allowed them to take steps towards greater disclosure as well as healing.

The most important driving force however, was without question, the voices of the children I was working with; their testimonies to the importance of the book and the program, as well as witnessing myself how these resources were helping the children adapt were both incredibly powerful and motivating factors which allowed me to main my focus and continue pursuing my goals.

- While you were writing the book did you need the help of a psychologist to develop a story that could better promote resilience in children of mentally ill parents?

Yes and no. I did not directly consult specialists from this field. I did, however, do a vast amount of research on the subject so as to grasp the most critical issues which these children face. From this theoretical, conceptual base, and drawing from my own life experience, I was then able to create the story.

- Has it been hard finding funding and/or sponsors to create the book, due to the particularly delicate nature of this issue, due to the fact that children of parents with mental illness are too often invisibile?

I was extremely lucky in this regard, as my husband is an employee at one of the aluminum smelters owned by ALCOA. As a social delegate at his workplace, he has initiated many activities to help raise awareness about mental illness. His work attracted the interest of one of the administrators who informed him that the ALCOA FOUNDATION supported initiatives aimed at helping foster health and well-being in the larger community, and that it would be possible to submit a project to this FOUNDATION for funding. It was at this moment that he and I decided to submit an application for the creation and publishing of a children's book aimed at raising awareness about mental illness. The ALCOA FOUNDATION continued to provide financial support for us throughout this journey and funded the publication of the Anna Workshops as well as the translation of these resources from French to English.

- What was the situation in Canada at that time, has it been difficult to explain to the people you met the importance of helping these children, to make people understand the need of a new perspective in addressing mental illness?

In Canada at that time, there were no existing associations having as their unique mission the children of the mentally ill. In Quebec, we were experiencing the ricochet results of the deinstitutionalization movement which had left many mentally ill patients adrift without sufficient supporting programs to adequately meet their needs. As a result, families felt the increased burden of caring for their loved ones. Grassroots organizations began springing up to support adults with a family member touched by mental illness, and though the impacts of having a loved one with a psychiatric disease were beginning to be better known, the plight of the children of the mentally ill was virtually non-documented and systematically overlooked. Creating a legal entity to address the needs of these « invisible children » seemed essential, and in 2006, I founded the Anna and the Sea Association. Raising public awareness about the needs of these vulnerable children has mobilized much of our energy, attention and resources. Progress is being made, but there is still so much to do to bring to light the depth of suffering that these children experience.

- How did people react to the book when it was first issued? Where there also skeptical people, thinking that mental health problems were not a topic to be discussed with kids? Did they change their minds after having read your book?

The book generated a whirlwind of activity, both from the private and social sector. It was extremely well received by those living with mental illness themselves, and as one parent explained, « help create a bridge between myself and my child ». Parents often cited the fact that broaching the subject of their mental illness with their child proved extremely difficult but that the book provided a concrete tool which helped them achieve this.

The book was distributed to many schools, thanks to the generosity of the ALCOA FOUNDATION. Many letters from children themselves were received, and in the candid fashion so typical of young people, they gave the book a unanimous « thumbs up »!

Social workers, psychologists and other specialists also openly welcomed this new resource and began requesting additional information to aide them in their work with troubled families dealing with these issues.

I can honestly say that we did not encounter skepticism in regards to this sensitive subject matter being presented to children. Though many people tend to underestimate the capacity of children to understand complex issues, most seem to agree that, provided the subject matter be presented in an age-appropriate way, it is beneficial for children to be informed about mental illness.

- What about institutions, clinicians and politicians? Have they been sensitive to the issue and have they been helpful to address it? Did you also encounter any resistances to address this topic for the fear that talking about the children's perspective could put parents suffering from a mental disease in a bad light?

They have all been very open and sensitive to the issue and have not manifested any particular resistance. We have often been invited to speak to groups of social workers, psychologists and psychiatric occupational therapists who work with patients and their families. Universities and colleges have also shown great interest in the issue and have extended invitations for us to speak to students for the following areas of study: education, psychology, social work, pediatric medicine and law enforcement.

- How did you manage to create the Association in order to carry on the important work of raising awareness and training professionals? What have been the challenges and the advantages?

The first, and by far the most important step I took in setting up the Association was finding key people to sit on the board of directors, a group willing to work together for the cause. To this day, I am surrounded by incredibly bright people, a group of dedicated and competent individuals who have paved the way to success through their hard work and generosity. It has truly been a concerted effort, and if Anna and the Sea continues to exist today, it is because of dedication of all the team members.

Our greatest challenge has been obtaining recurrent funding for the ongoing expenses related to running the organization. In our region, many grassroots organizations compete for subsidies, and though each cause is worthy in and of itself, dissention can be felt amongst the different parties involved. The situation becomes very challenging and it can be extremely arduous dealing in an ongoing way, with the politics regarding funding.

Another challenge we face is that of providing ongoing coaching for the various professionals who have previously received training and who have begun implementing our program in their various regions. We are presently evaluating different possible ways to provide this important service.

There are many, many advantages to having created a social entity (association) in order to carry the three tiered mission of our organization: 1) providing service to children of the mentally ill, 2) raising awareness and 3) training professionals. 

Though mental illness is a personal issue which touches individuals and their families in an intimate way, it is also a very social issue and one which requires policies and services on a large scale in order to meet the needs of these families. Having constituted an organization dedicated to these children has contributed immensely in raising public awareness about the specific challenges these kids face. We received invitations to participate in public events, to speak at conventions, to appear on talk shows etc. We participated in several documentaries highlighting the needs of these children and the way in which we strive to fill the void which once existed in regards to services for them.

I firmly believe that being an association has greatly facilitated the process of helping raise awareness. Had we not been officially constituted as an organization, we would not have had all of these opportunities to speak for the children.

- What have been the greatest gifts you encountered during this ongoing journey towards awareness and acceptance?

The greatest gift I have received is seeing the children in our programs slowly become more resilient. They are finding their voice, opening up about their own experiences, discovering they are not alone and finding ways to cope. That is the greatest reward, and one which gives me immense joy.

- This year, 2014, "Anna and the Sea" celebrates 10 years since its first publication. First of all, my warmest congratulations for this important anniversary! Glad that synchronicity made us cooperate for this interview right now! How much has the situation for Copmi changed in Canada since 2004? What should still be done, in your opinion?

In May of 2012, the Mental Health Commission of Canada released the first-ever mental health strategy for Canada, a milestone indeed. I was honored to be invited to participate in the consultation process prior to the publication of this document and felt this was an important step towards raising awareness about the needs of children of the mentally ill. Within the framework of this final, published document, much attention was given to the importance of redesigning child and youth mental health policies but there was little, if any mention of the need to support children of the mentally ill. 

In my opinion, we are just barely out of the starting box, at the very beginning of a long process which will require much dedication and investment in order to bring about ongoing change. Being heard is the starting point, but it is not enough. We need to see practices, policies, programs and services which support these children implemented and available for all. Long-term sustainable funding which supports the delivery of these programs must also exist.

We are presently operating largely within a compartmentalized approach in regards to services for the mentally ill and their families. I have often envisioned the implementation of a systematic referral mechanism through which the physicians caring for the mentally ill would automatically screen their patients to determine if there were any minor children in the family unit and if so, refer these children to support programs which would address their own issues.

There is still so much to do.

- Italy is still at the very beginning of the process of raising awareness about these still invisible children. Contatto non-profit association from Milano, the "Camille Project" involving Italy among other European countries, along with this blog which I am currently running on a voluntary basis, are trying to move the first steps towards a system change, but we still have a long way to go. In the light of your experience, what would you suggest could be done to reach the goal of making society and institutions understand the urgency of creating resources to support children of parents with a mental illness?

It is an excellent question, and one which my colleagues and I continue to ask ourselves on a daily basis « where should we go from here? …what is the next step? ….which of our efforts will produce the greatest impact? …». Because we are navigating through uncharted territory, these questions are ever present in our minds.

I see that you are deeply committed and very much involved in bringing about change in Italy for these vulnerable children, and I commend your initiatives and all the wonderful work which you are doing! I am truly grateful for this opportunity to collaborate with you and hope that our association together will be ongoing in the future, because as you so eloquently said in your review of the book:
« Together the load to carry will be less heavy ».

Thank you very much, Rebecca, for your time and your powerful insights! I hope we can keep in touch and continue cooperate on this important issue. Good luck for all the good work you are doing!


[*From the introduction to the French edition of the book "Anna et la Mer".]

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